Take 2

Hello dear readers!

It's been far too long since I updated, but it's weekend time now so I thought I would spend a bit of it doing so! As most of you know, by the end of my first semester I would've told that I had 100% decided that I wouldn't be returning to med school. I had cancelled my plane ticket back to the island, I had spent hours and hours on cover letters and job applications, I hadn't registered for second semester classes, and I got my security deposit back and told my landlord I wouldn't be returning. I spent all remaining downtime filling up a notebook with things I wanted to do instead--for a job, for myself, and for life.

An hour back home and I was begging to go back to school. There are a lot of reasons I'm back. I'm not sure if I can adequately explain them here or even claim their rationality.

I've always wanted to be a doctor. Ever since I was a little kid. 

Even though it's hard and almost every day I question being here. 

I guess the truth is I just wanted to come back. I have spent the last few years being so transient in between moving to college, home for the summer, to my study abroad destination, back to college, and now here. While that has no possibility of changing soon (5th will either be in MI or FL and then who knows where 6-10 or my residency will be), I have grown comfortable down at school and it feels like home. The other reasons include (but are not limited to) the acknowledgement of myself, other med students, and some doctors I had the chance to talk to while I was home that med school is neither easy nor particularly enjoyable, it is just something you get through to get to the next step. The other is that even though I thought I wasn't returning and frankly didn't care about my last exam or final performance I passed. One of the hardest parts of the last semester for me was the complete lack of confidence in myself that grew and grew as the term went on. But if I passed without caring or working as hard as I know I am able to, I should be able to pass as I continue. Maybe even get back to those elusive As that I used to be so close with.

Once I decided to go back I felt such a big feeling of relief. Even in the days leaving up to heading back to the island I was excited! Though saying goodbye to my friends who I had spent so much time with over break was as hard as it normally is, I at least felt like I was doing the right thing for me.

Actually being back on island has been a rather mixed bag so far.

THE UPSIDES:

• Being back in my own apartment and having an ocean conveniently located for my enjoyment. I really got used to (read: spoiled by) having my own place. The apartment has been feeling increasingly homey--I have decorated with Firefly posters and brought a little more of my home/college things (i.e. sticky notes of every color, Kraft macaroni and cheese, pictures of my family, etc). 

Firefly!

• The weather is terrific. Though it's rained virtually everyday I've been back, it's been a balmy 70-80 degrees. It's cool enough to wear jeans but not unpleasantly warm. I think I am ruined for the north. 
• We're doing the neuroscience unit right now. It's so amazing!! The material is really interesting so far (mostly). The brain is extremely interesting and I think I might actually enjoy lab, brains are so neat! We haven't actually had a lab yet but I may go in the lab do to some practical studying this weekend. We have looked a bit at wet samples in class, brain! I never really thought about a career in neuro. Brain surgery would be cool! :D 
• As a side note to the above point, scientists are such nerds, I love it. There are many examples, but in one of our latest presentations we studied "the brainship enterprise." (Basically there is a stage in brain development (embryology is also an extremely interesting area to me, obstetrics might be for me too!) where the brain precursor is the shape of the USS Enterprise. If I believed in signs I'd certainly say that is a good one.)

(Google Images)

• It's really good to see my friends down here. The environment at my school is really great sometimes. The week before finals you could cut the tension in the library with a knife, but people are incredibly welcoming and I know I'm lucky to be around such nice and welcoming people. 
• A friend of mine from undergraduate is interviewing here soon! It'd be great to see a friendly face around here, even if it's just for my last term down here. 
• Cable. I can stay up to date with Game of Thrones. 
• Fresh fruit all over the place. The mangoes on the tree right outside of my apartment just about ripe! They do occasionally fall onto my roof and scare me out of my mind...or someone comes in the middle of the night to pick them and I can hear them outside my apartment...and they are covered with the stickiest sap ever.. but other than that it certainly is convenient! 

I've been eyeing this one for a few days, almost there. 

I can just about grab a mango from my door...that's pretty cool huh!

• Only a year to go here and I'll be back in the home country doing rotations in a hospital!
• It really is beautiful here--beautiful sunsets and lots of outdoorsy fun! I'm lucky to have the opportunity to live in such a gorgeous place. 

A shot from last semester.

THE DOWNSIDES:

• I will in all likelihood (assuming I pass) be gone from the homestead for about a year--until next December. This is by far the longest I've ever been away from home. Though I currently don't have any great desire to head that way, I'm entirely sure that will have its challenges. 
• No malls, shopping, new comic books, movie theaters or movie theater popcorn, or fun books. 
• Getting to the island (i.e. back to the Hellmouth). It wasn't a huge hassle getting down here this time--I did have spend a night (though scheduled) in Puerto Rico in a super sketchy hotel but I got to the island relatively on time. The only problem was that one of my two checked bags (I still have no idea how this even happened) didn't come on my plane. It did come on the next one, so after waiting for a few hours at the airport (and painfully long in customs, goodness knows why!) I did get my bags. Admittedly my patience ran a bit thin there at the end. It will become increasingly difficult to get here. I have previously traveled on American Airlines the whole way but they are discontinuing service to the island (though perhaps that isn't a bad thing; I think three or so pilots have been investigated for drinking and flying). Now we'll likely have to take another airline (or boat? haha) to Barbados or Antigua and then go AA to Puerto Rico and then home. More stops! I suppose I am only planning on coming home once (and for good!) after my fourth semester, but it seems like a hassle already! 

(Google Images)

• Also related to all things Hellmouth, I have been battling the cockroaches in my apartment. I think it might be a seasonal thing (much cooler, quite rainy) as I barely saw any last semester, but my first few nights here I saw an unhealthy number of them. I gave in and bought the super expensive raid, and with that+general human activity around again+the maid service being back I think the tide is turning in my favor. That said I am (forever) scarred by being about to slip on one of my ballet slippers (another homey touch!) and seeing a cockroach in them that I almost touched. Not okay. 
• Med school seemed easier when I was on vacation and missing it. 
• Relationships are complicated wherever you are in the world with friends close by and far away.

I guess the big difference with this semester is I'm going to study harder to get As and focus on relaxing more. The two might seem contradictory, but I'm not sure that they are.

I guess this is home for now. 

That's it for now, hopefully more and some more pictures soon! I am looking forward to another hike in a couple of weeks (called the 7 waterfalls hike) and maybe some smaller trips to the city nearby and maybe the capital before then!